the unshakable One

We experienced a tragedy this week that has rocked our entire community.  To be honest, of all the terrible scenarios  I have allowed myself to imagine could happen here, this was never one of them.  If you follow the news you are aware of the unique and tragic event that occurred in my city and among some of our friends here.  I don’t want to focus on the details of the event itself, as those details have been playing over and over in the news, in friends conversations and in my mind enough already.  However, I do want to focus on some of the aftershock of this event.

Everyone grieves and deals with loss in their own, personal way.  Many of our local friends who are not even connected to the man who was killed have been thrown into a time of questioning.  Death is something that can be confusing for all, but it seems to be particularly hard on people here.  Many people are wanting to blame someone, unfortunately most  of which seems to be primarily falling on the family of the boy, at this time.  We keep telling our friends that blaming doesn’t help.  Dozens of our friends have called us to offer condolences and to tell us how much the event abhors them.  We love how the people here come together in a time of mourning.  We are feeling very loved and supported and hope that those closest to the man and the boy do as well.

The whole thing has been surreal to me.  I find myself thinking a lot about the fragility of life; how this man, who was only in his early 30’s, I’m sure woke up as usual that day, got ready and went to school with thoughts of what the day would hold and maybe even plans for the coming days and into the future.  However, within a few moments everything was over.  His story on this earth was finished.  These thoughts are fortunately overshadowed by the realization that he isn’t just in the cliché “better place,” but that he is resting right now in the presence of our glorious Savior.  It is a weird feeling to both grieve over the loss of someone who was investing in the people here in such beautiful and meaningful ways, but to rejoice with him that he is in a place where the challenges and pain of this world can no longer touch him.  I hurt, however, for the many people I know here who don’t know that they can rejoice with him, but who grieve for him as over something that is lost to them forever.  I hurt for a way to help them heal….

I wish I had a firm direction to take this blog.  My brain has been in a place of stupor these past few days as I struggle with the event that occurred and how to process it.  This is part of the experiences we have on this earth; this is real life in action that cannot be avoided or ignored.  A friend the other day read this passage from Hebrews 12:  See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, ‘Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.’  The words ‘once more’ indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”  So we are finding peace in knowing that through this God is shaking the things in this life that can fall away, but that HE, the unshakable, remains with us and will use this for His glory.

the things kids say

watching the snow fall

I was someone who didn't spend much time around little kids when I was growing up as well as into my adulthood.  It wasn't until I had my own children that I started to learn about these fascinating creatures!  It has been an amazing 4 year journey so far of learning what it is to be a mother and seeing what kids are really like!  I still remember when Zeke first started using his imagination when he played...I had been under the impression that kids could access the world of imaginative fun from the beginning, but there was an obvious change when Zeke could move beyond the concrete (as well as realizing that I had not disappeared from all existence every time I left his sight), and I was amazed to witness it.  Yes, to all those out there with experience with young children, I have had a lot to learn, and continue to learn everyday.

Now Zeke is 4 years old and showing signs of great intelligence and ability.  He surprises us everyday with some of things things he thinks about and the questions he asks.  His current interests have been about the human body (ranging from questions about the skeletal structure, major organs and, of course, basic reproductive parts:-)) as well as about science and mechanics.  We of course simplify things, but I have learned not to underestimate what he can understand and we try and give him lots of details when we answer his technical questions.  He hears the things we say and can process them and try to use them himself.  The other day he asked that he wouldn't get a "large" punishment, instead of his usual use of the adjective "big."  He hears idioms and tries to use them himself...which often comes out quite comicly!  I have been hearing stories from friends lately regarding the perspective their kids have on life after living overseas.  Zeke knows way more about electricity than anything I knew well into my adulthood, and his participation in cultural activities that are not from his "home" culture is something to behold.  He loves the tradition they have here during holidays where you offer guests a piece of candy when they first come inside your home.  He asks to do it now for every guest that comes over, particularly when he thinks he gets a piece of his own at the end of the routine!

Ethan has really taken off in the last month or two with his language.  He makes ample use of the words "come," "help," and "up" which seem to accomplish most of his needs.  He also is picking up tons of nouns and will bring something to me to either tell me what it is or to ask what it is.  The love of learning in kids is evident.  If we as adults are willing to take the time with them, they are more than willing to soak up all the knowledge that we have to offer!  My favorite thing with Ethan is how he has started using the word "yeah."  We can ask him questions and he'll either say "no" (which he is VERY familiar with) or he says a very exuberant "YEAH!!!"  It makes us laugh every time!

Suffice it to say that I love being a mommy.  It has been a journey so far that has taught me a lot about myself and about different ways of seeing things in this world.  A couple months after Ethan was born I had an experience that showed me I had gotten way to caught up in the challenges of parenthood during the early years.  I have used that experience to remind myself most days that this time is fleeting and that I need to appreciate this time while they are little.  Once I released myself from the fog of fatigue, diaper changes and mess cleanings I began to see just how special and unique this time is in the lives of my children.  I look at their little faces and realize how quickly they are changing and that how they look today will not be exactly the same tomorrow, and in the days to come.  I use all of this to remind myself to be thankful for God's many blessings, one huge one of which is my family.  I thank God everyday for the little boys he has entrusted to me as well as for the little one who is on his or her way:-)  Time and life are fleeting, don't forget to appreciate the small things along the way!

all bundled up to go play in the snow

watching the super bowl with Daddy

warning: transition ahead...

I just packed my first box.  Not a big step, but a significant one nonetheless.  For those who don’t know, we are planning to leave this summer to head back to the states for one year.  This transition comes with it a whole slew of emotions.  Many of them very mixed and even contradictive!   It’s strange to think of leaving this place that has been our home for nearly the past 4 years; the place where we have built a life, built friendships and raised our children thus far.  There is much that I will miss during our year away.

A few things I won’t miss are: the rooster that lives on our street.  Having grown up in the city I am not very familiar with the habits of these creatures.  I was under the impression that they crow at sun up.  Either the guy on my street is confused or maybe that is just a myth that they help wake you up at sunrise.  Well, the waking up part is true anyhow, usually at two or three in the morning!  And I am talking during the winter, not summer when you may see a little sliver of light much earlier than other parts of the year.  The other night his pitch matched that of my children when they call out and I thought I was needed, but nope, once again it was the rooster!  I also won’t miss the driving here.  I have ranted about that before, so I won’t do so here again.  Suffice it to say that it tests my sanctification process!  I also won’t miss the random outings of electricity.  I think American culture is so productive not just because of work ethic or necessity, but also because the tools and resources exist to get things done in an efficient manner.  These things don’t exist as much here.  I also won’t miss being so far away from family.  And I won’t miss not having my kids know their grandparents and cousins very well.  I am looking forward to everyone getting to meet Ethan (many of our family haven’t yet) as well as our newest addition.

There are, however, many things that I will miss.  For one, tile floors.  When you are at the stage in life where you have young kids who just can’t seem to keep their food on their plates or go an entire day without spilling their full cups over, then you realize that tile floors are a huge blessing.  I don’t sweat the messes because my kids are just being kids and the mess can be cleaned up.  I still don’t appreciate Ethan indicated he is finished by throwing any remaining food across the room, but at least I don’t worry about ruining carpet!   Also, how people are towards my kids here is something I will deeply miss.  Every time we leave the house my kids are loved on in very sweet and appropriate ways.  A stranger will help them into the (free!) mechanical car at the grocery store, friends will stop by just to bring them a toy car they thought they might like, students at our center will befriend them for the evening and dote on them by letting them play games on their mobile phones or eat 2/3rds of the piece of cake they bought.  I love how special my kids feel here.  I know in my own culture there are people that would like to treat more kids in this manner, but we are a busy culture, and one that has unfortunately, but necessarily needed to place heavy, firm boundaries between our kids and strangers.  I am concerned a bit that I don’t even know how to do parenting in American culture.  I will have to relearn how to do many things.  A small thing I will also miss is my shower.  It is common here to have a great big room, lined with tile, that have hot water pipes running under the floor that heat the floors.  When you get the hot water running and close the door you are surrounded by warmth.  It is a lovely experience.  I will also miss being a part of all the exciting things that are happening right now.  We have been working towards a number of goals these past few years and we are really beginning to get all the bugs out and we have a growing momentum.  It is hard to step away at a time like this.  More than all of this, we will miss the faces of those we have grown to love over these past four years.  We are grateful for technology, but skype and email just doesn’t keep you fully connected.

So I share all of this to say that in this life we have chosen there is constant transition; constant goodbyes; constantly giving things up that matter to us.  However, we are that much more grateful for One who never changes and never leaves us.  Zeke has been struggling to understand how God can be in his heart as well as mine and still be one.  I think my understanding of God’s greatness and grandness has grown even more since moving here.  He will be the one who helps grow my heart to continually let people in even if I know I will have to say goodbye to them.  It’s the life we have chosen, but it is a good and worthy one.  These next four months I will fight to focus on the here and now, and will do the same when we are stateside.  Ready or not U.S. here we come!

a family update

As you can probably imagine, the reason I am not great at blogging often is because I am kept quite busy with two rambunctious little boys!  I wanted to take this blog and give you a more personal update on our family.

Zeke is 4 going on 14.  He is such a sponge in asking so many questions and learning new things all of the time.  I have actually stopped simplifying explanations for him so much because he is understanding SO much!  His questions range from things about the skeletal structure and muscles, to spiritual questions about sin and who God is.  He goes to a preschool program 3 days a week where he is learning his numbers and letters.  I have discovered through him learning to write his name that we have certainly developed his large motor skills, but the fine motor skills need some work!  Yes, I know he's only 4, but I forget sometimes!  He still enjoys cars, trucks, tanks...well, basically anything that moves!  He and his daddy love doing internet searches on super cars and talking about how each car is unique.  He has several friends from school that he loves to play with and comes home from school each day with tons of stories of adventures had on the playground.  At our language center our students love to sit and talk with him because his language skills are so good that he actually helps them out with language practice!  It is such a joy for us to watch him interact with local people and finding unique ways to connect.

Ethan is a really fun little guy who loves to be silly and laugh all the time.  He is very affectionate and loves to sit and cuddle with Scott and I.  He has tried to cuddle with his brother, but that hasn't worked out as he hoped!  He seems to be very sensitive to those around him and is quick to apologize when he accidentally hurts someone.  In the last month or so his language skills have boomed.  About a month ago we noticed he was way more willing to mimic us and then a couple of weeks ago he started suddenly using tons more words on his own initiative.  His favorite method of communication is still to grab us by the hand and bring us to the thing he is trying to show us or wants us to get for him.  One of my favorite things with him is when we are playing around and tickling him and try to stop and he looks at us as and says "more, more!"  A funny characteristic with him is that he is very slow to wake up.  I usually push his bedroom door open in the mornings to rouse him, but he enjoys laying still for awhile and just watching life from his crib until he finally stands up and tells us "up."  It makes me wonder often about what the teen years are going to look like with him!  He almost always has a car in his hands and loves also to play with anything his brother has.  He's quite the risk taker in watching for his brother to look away and then promptly running away with the toy that Zeke previously had!

Our kids are such a joy in our lives and we try and remember how these times while they are young, although tough and often exhausting, are fleeting.  We are also excited to be awaiting our newest addition, baby #3, coming this July.  This little one will be born in the states as we come back for a time of rest and reconnection.  Scott and I are also doing well.  We have had quite a bit of sickness rip through our home in the last 2 months, but are happy to all currently be healthy!  I am doing my best to balance life and rest as my body works doubly hard to support the growing person inside of me.  We are looking forward to our time in the states next year, but try hard to stay focused on where God has us right now.  It will definitely be hard to leave our teammates and friends behind for an entire year, but as we have learned, this is a life full of transition and goodbyes.  We trust in God for our strength through it all.  So our 2012 is shaping up well so far with some exciting things already happening and more to come through the spring.  God is teaching us so much about ourselves and about Him, and we are so grateful to be on this journey:-)

A Christmas Extravaganza

We have had some exciting times these last few weeks.  We have had ample opportunity to think on, reflect and share our reasons for celebrating Christmas!  We love being able to share so much of who we are with our friends.  This really serves to deepen our relationships here.  It also helps our friends be able to understand us better.  Basically it is an awesome thing all around!

We have been changing up our coffee shop nights at our language center this past semester.  In the past we have had open conversation nights where we play games, sip coffee and allow our students to practice their English.  However, we were looking for something to spice things up and increase the educational opportunities this fall by adding a bit more structure and preparation to the time.  What we came up with were nights where we had Q&A with your teacher, a period of time where you rotate between games or planned conversations, and then ended the night with some open conversation time and enjoyed some cake and coffee.  We also hosted our very first American culture night!  It was a blast teaching our students about American sports, dance, slang, pop culture and history.  In that same vein we used our Christmas party to impart some wisdom as well.  Scott did a wonderful presentation on the cultural and faith-based parts of Christmas.  Our students really liked it and came away with a better understanding while also learning how to string popcorn for our center tree!  The thing is here, people believe that Christmas and New Years are the same thing.  Over these past four years we have worked with our friends to differentiate between the two.  This has worked well with those close to us…so well that we got a bunch of calls on the 25^th wishing us a merry Christmas!  It was wonderful to have that display of care for us and showing that they remember!

 

We also hosted our traditional Christmas drama with our international fellowship.  We invited all of our friends and had an amazing 160 people show up this year.  A wonderful group from Wyoming came out and put on a drama for us depicting the Christmas story through the remembrances of an elderly Mary.  We enjoyed conversation and Christmas cookies together afterwards.  One family who is in the baking business brought a HUGE cake in the shape of a cross to share with us!  It was a wonderful and elaborate surprise!

 

 

The other opportunity we took advantage of was having our ladies together again at our center to celebrate the season.  Some friends from New Jersey blessed us with a suitcase full of special treats, gifts, decorations and an ornament craft.  It was a smaller group that was able to come, but it made for a very intimate event.  We are really blessed to be able to do life together with our friends here and share our time, culture and sacred beliefs.  We ended the afternoon with one of our interns teaching us a really fun dance!

 

 

We hope that your holiday was spent in a meaningful way and that the things God is teaching you will continue to grown and deepen as we begin a new year.  We are very thankful that God has us where He does and are grateful to serve among these people.  We are also thankful to all of YOU who support us across the many miles and think of us especially this time of year!  Coming next…a family update.  Stay tuned!

On the road...

There are many things that we have had to adjust to since moving overseas.  The obvious things are learning a new culture, learning to try new things and developing a new language.  There are other things you may not think about that one has to adjust to when living in a new country and culture.  One of these things is driving.

There are many times that I am shocked back into the reality of where I live.  Sometimes it is when I see my neighbors unloading live chickens from the trunk of a taxi; other times it is when I order the same thing at the same restaurant and somehow it turns out different every time; it is also when I have a clear view of the incredible mountains that surround our city.  However, I think I am most brought back to reality when driving here.  There are many examples of driving etiquette here that are vastly different than what I have known from my own culture.  Fortunately, my city isn’t as populated as other cities in the middle east so it could be crazier, but driving here is a test of trusting God every single time.

The general rule is that you are responsible for what happens in front of you, therefore those behind you are responsible to take care of what you do that might affect them.  However, one oversight to this rule is who is watching next to them?  Most commonly the answer is no one, as evidenced by a man trying to force his way into our lane while knocking his rear view mirror into the side of the car!  Also, speaking of lanes, there are painted street lines on many streets.  These are, however, mere suggestions.  This means that when traffic is craziest a two-lane road can be converted into three or even four lanes.  These lanes may even take over oncoming traffic lanes if one direction seems to dominate the need.

One of the relics of the previous government is the traffic flow plan.  Unless you are on narrow neighborhood roads you can’t turn left.  While this does keep traffic moving pretty good, you have to drive until you find a U-turn, then double back and turn right.  On our newer roads there is an extra lane notched into the  median, but people often stay in the main lanes, passing the cars waiting in the U-turn lane, then cut over to the U-turn itself, turning two or three cars wide in a place that was meant for one car!  

Our city is trying to make crossing these streets easier for pedestrians by installing foot bridges.  It’s so frustrating to have to stop for people as they cross the street within a stone’s throw of the new bridges!  The other day we were on a busy road taking the boys to school when we saw a man standing in the middle of our lane trying to cross! Had he hustled he would have been able to cross, but he hesitated.  We veered left to go around him, but by that time he had decided to try to cross our lane.  All the while slamming on the brakes, we cut back right, but he had decided to try to dash back to the sidewalk!  This happened a few times before he actually ended up back on the sidewalk.  He waved his arms at us in disgust as we finally passed him.  My lingering question was why was he in the middle of the lane when there was a bridge not 200 feet beyond him?!?  You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Suffice it to say that defensive driving takes on a whole new meaning here.  The general attitude is “me first.”  Believe it or not, though, you do get used to it.  When people come to visit us I always tell them the key to not having a heart attack while riding with us is simply to trust. In fact,that is sort of the motto of doing life here!  However, easier said than done!

Thanksgiving 2011

One thing that I have found to be important in adjusting to life overseas is to keep alive your own cultural traditions. This can require creativity and awareness as many products that you might normally need are not available and when no one else around you is participating in the same traditions as you. One big tradition that we continue while we are here is celebrating thanksgiving.

These past two years a big group of us have gotten together at a community center about an hour from our home city. It is a fantastic location because there is plenty of space, it is very relaxing and there are multiple ovens for preparing a thanksgiving feast. This year we were a group of about 30. We were from all different lines of work and organizations, but brought together by our common culture and friendships. We had an awesome time.

We started the day with a “turkey trot” 5K run! Our hosts had mapped out the whole thing on a country road a little ways from the community center. It was beautiful scenery and there was a car following at the back as well as one at the front making the finish line. I walked with my boys and a friend (finished about half of it before the others were complete) and the rest of the group, with Scott, ran the entire thing. We were surrounded by beautiful mountains, lots of twists and turns in the road and I’m sure some more than curious passer-byers! After this everyone started in on their various assignments to bring the big meal together. Somehow we managed to bring it all together to have every holiday favorite! Pretty much everything has to be made from complete scratch and we have to learn to use lots of substitutes, but the result was worth it!

Turkey Trot 5K complete!

Ethan stretching with Stacy after the run

Ethan enjoying the pie making

The rest of the day was spent having good conversations, playing games and just relaxing.  We decided to stay the night this year, along with a few others, and enjoyed cinnamon rolls and eggs together in the morning.  Overall it was a fantastic time!  Zeke had to end his time with a second trip to the dentist, but once again he braved it like a champ.

We are so grateful for our friends and family here.  These are the things that make a home.  It has nothing to do with geographic location, but everything to do with being where God has you to be, building a network of relationships and finding contentment amidst a world that is vastly different than any you’ve known before.  I am thankful that my family and I have found that here.  Hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving!

another tradition born

What happened to the fall???

The weather here turned cold quicker than it usually does.  It was a fast enough change that I started the process of changing regular sheets to flannel sheets, and exchanging summer wardrobes for winter ones in a rushed fashion.  Usually I take it a step at time, but one day of out with the old and accepting the new, colder version was what I got this year.  We also had another thing happen sooner than we had anticipated and that was changing up Zeke’s bedroom furniture. 

The other day he was standing on his bed when he decided he would jump up and land on his bottom on the mattress.  Now, I should clarify that we got our kids a small, indoor trampoline in order to discourage jumping on the bed.  Zeke generally complies with this.  However, one jump was all it took and he cracked the board under his mattress right in half!  We had planned on moving our guest room furniture (2 twin beds and a closet) upstairs for the boys sometime this winter when Ethan would be nearing the transition time from crib to big boy bed, but after a week of Zeke sleeping on his mattress on the floor we decided to take the plunge and do the big job of moving the furniture from the first floor to the second.  The biggest part of this process is taking apart the big closets and then reassembling them.  Take into consideration the fact that in addition to keeping track of what screw goes where and the direction of each board that the closets are made of very cheap materials and you have a recipe for a complicated process.  However, we accomplished our goal and their room looks great…although very grown up!  I have gotten used to tiny, little boy furniture and now it seems the furniture is getting bigger, along with the boys!  Both Zeke and Ethan are growing and changing right before our very eyes!  Is it weird to be nostalgic over the years when their little while they are still little??? J  It is my attempt at enjoying these moments while I have them.  I even got to get some good cuddles in with Ethan last night when he was having trouble falling asleep and that was good for this mama’s heart.

We just finished a week of celebration here.  It was the time for the feast of sacrifice.  This time is commemorating the story of God calling Abraham to sacrifice his son.  The story here goes a little differently than it states in the Bible, but what it all boils down to is friends and family visiting one another and neighbors bringing over bags of meat to share from their family’s sacrifice.  We had a great week.  Usually we maximize every day of the week, visiting every single person we know.  However, this time we chose a few special people and kept it more simple due to the fact that we have been running a non-stop schedule all fall long and we were in desperate need of some down time.  One fun thing for us was that we had more visitors than we usually do.  Generally our very closest friends might come and see us at our own home since it isn’t our holiday, but this year we had several friends and some students from the center come and see us.  Its nice to be able to serve people in our own home and celebrate with them.  

Tonight classes start back up at the center and we begin our last big push until we break for Christmas.  Something that God has been teaching us in the midst of all of this busyness is the need for a Sabbath day.  What gets us through most weeks is knowing that there is one day that we choose to prioritize rest.  Some weeks that day doesn’t happen and we generally pay for it!  However, I believe that God has been blessing our family through prioritizing His commandment to us to rest one day every week.  It also helps you to find energy you didn’t know you had to work hard during the rest of the week when you know you have a day off to look forward to.  Anyhow, just something to think about in this busy world of ours.  It takes intentionality and commitment to make it happen, but the truth is that it is God’s design for us to rest  and I am happy to be at a time in my life when stress is probably near  maximum, yet I can feel healthy and rested because He is breathing new life into me everyday!