After living here for six years we still find it a bit difficult when people ask us what the process is for locals to get married. The reason for this difficulty is that the process is very different for every couple. The only thing, for certain, that everyone has in common is that they have gone to the courthouse and signed the legal documents for the union.
I suppose that part is true for American culture as well. However, most couples have a dating period, an engagement period and wedding. The main variations are how grand the stories and how numerous and elaborate the parties. Here the variations are much greater. A couple may have spent little to no time together before being wed and moving in together; a couple may have had a secret dating period; they may or may not have an engagement period; the guy only might have an engagement party; they may or may not have a wedding party; the potential differences could continue further! One major difference here is that the engagement and wedding are the same under the law. To break an engagement requires a divorce.
Scott and I recently got to walk through a unique wedding variation of a close friend's family. Our friend's sister got engaged to a man that she didn't know all that well, but did get the option of choosing. The parents died when the kids were young, so the two brothers have acted as guardians. They respect their sister and her choices, so when this man asked for their sister's hand in marriage they left the decision to her and blessed it. However, they did want to celebrate the decision in a big way.
More often than not there will be a small family engagement party when the arrangement is made official, but the man will have a big party where all of his friends get dressed in their best and come to congratulate him. He spends a short time at this party and then sends a gift of candy (usually a box of chocolates) home with his guests. This party is appropriately translated the sugar eating. Instead, our friend threw a huge, joint engagement party. We took the kids, beginning at 8:30pm, and headed into an unknown situation.
The streets were packed for blocks with cars parked on both sides. It was easy to know which house we were headed to as we could just follow the steady stream of people. As we walked into the courtyard of the home, we were seperated: men downstairs, women and children upstairs. So me and the kids went up a narrow, cement staircase, took off our shoes and entered the house. The entire second floor was packed out. I literally had to step over and around people to get to one little spot on the floor where someone directed us to sit. There was no air flow and with so many bodies packed into a small space it was hot! Everyone was dressed in traditional clothes and sitting (and sweating!) quietly. After a bit of just staring at each other I finally confessed to a gal that I had never been to a party like this and asked what we do. She was super helpful in giving me the very thorough answer of "we sit." So, we sat! After about half hour they started passing out sweets, soda and fruit. So we ate! The funny part was a woman telling me to take extra bananas and put them in my purse! So, I pocketed some extra bananas!
After this a few women managed enough space to do some dancing. By this time the host (our friend) found me and reconnected me to Scott who had come upstairs. At this time I finally got a glimpse of the bride as Scott and I posed for a picture with her and her groom. The funny thing about women here when they get dressed up for a really important event is that how they look is completely transformed by their hair and makeup. I could not have picked this girl out of a line up as our friend's sister!
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| our little space on the floor |
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| Liza getting a few dance moves in after the sugar from the sweets took hold |
After this we found our shoes (all but Eliza's anyhow!) and were grateful to get out into some fresh air! Situations like this can make us feel very unsure of ourselves, but are so integral to walk through in an effort to love our friends and be a part of their lives. It can feel uncomfortable, but we have learned to embrace awkwardness because people are worth it!
